


Broken

by ReleasedFromHisCage



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, I really do, I suck at tagging, M/M, Mental Anguish, Mental Disintegration, Mental Instability, Mostly Gen, Naruto is light, POV First Person, Psychosis, This doesn't revolve around the relationship, Uchiha Sasuke-centric, but not really detailed, this is mostly just his internal war in the midst of everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-05-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:36:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24443707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReleasedFromHisCage/pseuds/ReleasedFromHisCage
Summary: War is erupting and I think it is my fault, Naruto is gone and Akatsuki doesn’t know where he’s hiding. I’m relieved, I can see that I’m falling into madness. I see that I’m going too far, killing where previously I would have spared a life, impulsively destroying where I would have once thought it through. I can see it and I can’t fucking stop it. So I keep fucking everything up, so disconnected from what’s real.
Relationships: Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 6
Kudos: 16





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Something I have noticed in this fandom is the lack of understanding of Sasuke's actions.  
> Not that what he did was good or okay, but I believe that he was sick and his spiral is such a good example of a trauma-induced psychosis. Something that you should know about me is that I have suffered through 2 psychosis' in my life and there is a chance that I would go through more of them in the future. 
> 
> You can see that you are spiraling and doing things that you'd never do in your right mind, but you can't stop them.  
> So I wrote this, trying to translate his thoughts in a way that I have seen it as a fan. Sasuke is someone that I can identify with which is why I find myself so quick to defend his actions and enjoy writing through his eyes. 
> 
> You really have no idea how difficult how hard it is to become better after being broken.
> 
> anyway, I wanted to do a songfic with the song Broken by Anson Seabra, the quotations in bold are the lyrics, they are not my words, they belong to Anson Seabra but I identify with them. 
> 
> I also don't own anything from the Naruto Franchise, I just write these for fun.

**...**

**If you see the boy I used to be**

**Could you tell him that I'd like to find him**

**And if you see the shell that's left of me**

**Could you spare him a little kindness?**

**...**

I have been alone since the night I lost my family, I thought that taking the life of Itachi would bring me peace. It didn’t fix anything, I’m alone. There is no one to watch me, I tell Naruto that he doesn’t matter but that’s not the truth. It is me that doesn’t matter. You can’t take someone like that, with his brilliant color, and shatter his light with the nightmare of who I am. 

He doesn't understand how special he is, to see what he has seen, felt what he has felt, live through what he has, and not completely shatter. 

He's so beautiful. I can't break him, I wish he'd understand.

**…**

**'Cause I've been high and I've been low**

**I've spent a thousand nights alone, tryna hold on tight**

**…**

"Sasuke, we really have to go!" Karin's voice is muffled, it sounds so wrong. Everything is wrong. The leaf shinobi will be here soon, my brother's body is no longer here. I killed him. Madara took the body and I don't know where he took it to. 

Can you even be forgiven for taking the life of the kind-hearted older brother that sacrificed everything he had to save your life? Can you possibly be forgiven for that? Suigetsu is so quiet, he shouldn’t be so fucking quiet. He’s the closest thing to the knucklehead I loved so much at home, he’s loud and brash. Like Naruto. 

_ Naruto... _

Could Naruto forgive me?

Would he forgive me if he ever discovered the truth?

The truth is, I took my hero’s life. I should have known that Itachi wasn’t the most evil person I had ever known. He’s probably the most pure-hearted. Jugo had to take me away from that spot, from the remaining stain that proved that my kind brother once was alive. My brother, Itachi...

**...**

**And feelings come but they won't go**

**Please won't someone take me home before I lose my mind**

**…**

Once Madara triggered the first memory, they came back and they came back with so much force that it feels like my ribs are being broken. I have felt pain in my life. Physical, Emotional, any kind of pain you could possibly think of but this is the worst pain that I could possibly imagine. I’m fucking shattered, and nothing could possibly fix this. 

Jugo watches me these days, a sadness in his eyes that makes me feel sick. I don’t fucking deserve any sympathy. I killed an angel, now the world cannot know him as the righteous and pure man that he was. 

Karin is quieter, so is Suigetsu. I miss their arguing that filled the silence because in the silence comes the voice of my brother and my lost family. In the silence comes the sound of Naruto Uzumaki begging me to come home before I tried to snuff out his light. 

**…**

**Am I broken?**

**Am I flawed?**

**Do I deserve a shred of worth or am I**

**Just another fake, fucked up lost cause?**

**And am I human?**

**Or am I something else?**

**…**

I tried to kill Sakura, I don’t think I regret it. I probably should but god I don’t. How dare she believe that she owns me. Naruto is here, understanding in his eyes. I hate it. 

I don’t deserve understanding, I wish he’d tell me what a piece of shit I am and try to kill me. I’d rather him strike me down than tell me that he cares. I wish he didn’t, I am nothing and he is just going to suffer if he continues to love me. So I tell him that he is nothing, I tell him he does not matter, I threaten him, and internally plead for him to just give up and allow me to spiral and burn without making him collateral damage. He’s the light this world needs, I am only here to destroy it so Naruto can kill me and build it back up from ruins. 

“ _ I will shoulder your hatred and die with you.” _

Naruto, you have to understand that you are the only fucking one on this planet that I can feel no hatred for. My gods, can’t you understand this? I can’t be responsible for snuffing the last light that exists. You are the closest thing I have to a heart. 

But I still threaten, I say the wrong words in hopes that he’ll believe me. In hopes that he’ll let me go and find his peace with all of the people he has created light for, I can’t snuff out that light so I’m begging you to believe I can and be selfish just once. Please just let me die. 

Please just kill me, I trust you with my life, I trust you with taking it. 

He doesn’t do it.

**…**

**'Cause I'm so scared and there's no one there**

**To save me from the nightmare that I call myself**

**…**

There’s chaos, I’m surrounded by chaos and I don’t feel like anything can compare to the chaos that is in my head. He’s dead, the Akatsuki is trying to find Naruto and I have to battle with burning the world to the ground and protecting its sun. I can’t do this anymore.

I walk with my team, I asked to be put in charge of taking him. Maybe I could have found a way to take what was needed and spare him. Madara couldn’t trust me. 

I heard how strong that Naruto has gotten, I hate it but I am so relieved. He could take down pain so he can take down the others. I need him to. 

Truth be told, I’d rather let the world go on and the village, if I had to choose between that and keeping him alive. 

If I could just find how to separate him and the village, from Sakura, from Iruka, from Kakashi…

_ Kakashi... Gods, he must be ashamed to have ever known me... Ashamed to have taught me and to have taken me under his wing...  _

**…**

**I've tried everything and anything**

**But nothing seems to work quite like it should**

**Between the madness and the apathy**

**Seems there's nothing left inside of me that's good**

**…**

War is erupting and I think it is my fault, Naruto is gone and Akatsuki doesn’t know where he’s hiding. I’m relieved, I can see that I’m falling into madness. I see that I’m going too far, killing where previously I would have spared a life, impulsively destroying where I would have once thought it through. I can see it and I can’t fucking stop it. So I keep fucking everything up, so disconnected from what’s real. 

I can’t understand what’s real, that is until I see my brother jumping through trees. Alive, or at least temporarily reanimated... I have to follow him. He’s distracted, attempting to fix something that is real. He sees what’s real, his vision is so much clearer than mine. 

I have his eyes, but I’m not good enough at seeing what’s real through them. Big brother, just look at me for a fucking moment. Show me what is real.

_ Big brother, please show me what is real.  _

**…**

**'Cause I've been high and I've been low**

**I've spent a thousand nights alone, tryna hold on tight**

**And feelings come but they won't go**

**Please won't someone take me home before I lose my mind**

**…**

_ 'I forgive you, Itachi. ' _

_ 'Do you forgive me?' _

_ 'Do you forgive me for what I have done?' _

_ 'Thank you for loving me, Itachi.' _

_ 'I love you so much.' _

_ 'I wish you didn’t have to go…' _

_ 'Tell our family that I love them and I am so sorry.' _

My big brother falls to ash in front of me, watching his spirit go to the beautiful place I believe in, only to believe he is there with my family. I hope they can forgive me for this one last, horrible decision before I claw myself out of this abyss and help Naruto.

I bring Orochimaru back to life. 

**…**

**Am I broken?**

**Am I flawed?**

**Do I deserve a shred of worth or am I**

**Just another fake, fucked up lost cause?**

**And am I human?**

**Or am I something else?**

**…**

“It took you long enough, Sasuke..” Naruto says as I land in front of him. 

I don’t deserve his unwavering belief in me but my gods, I will do everything in my power to earn it. I will be the man that my best friend, my one and only heart, believes that I am. 

The Sage of Six Paths told me that we were meant to know each other, that he is a part of me that I cannot cut away, our souls have been cursed to circle each other, and to always be at war.

We must be at war because the universe deemed it so but when we come together, the world has to stop and watch. I am fire and he is air, He is the sun and I am the moon. 

Our strength lies within each other.

**…**

**Am I broken?**

**Am I flawed?**

**Do I deserve a shred of worth or am I**

**Just another fake, fucked up lost cause?**

**…**

He is so much stronger than he used to be, I couldn’t take him out with full power but we both lost an arm. He’s lying next to me, we are bleeding and I hurt that I couldn’t control myself. I had to know. 

Now we are together, I see his past and I see how our story is connected. I watched the way the world watches his movements. He didn’t get to have everything that he wanted, after so many years of fighting for acknowledgment. None of this would have happened if I had just given him mine. 

I feel so selfish, I feel so fucking selfish because I am relieved that if I have to die he can follow me into the afterlife. I love him.. My life was so unbearable, he was my light and it was so faint from so far away. 

If we are dead and he is with me in the hereafter, I could handle that.

**...**

**Or am I something else?**

**'Cause I'm so scared and there's no one there**

**To save me from the nightmare that I call myself**

**…**

“I lost.” 

I’m smiling, I don’t smile often but this is the best thing that has ever happened to me. 

Naruto is lecturing me and threatening me, even though neither of us are in the position to fight.

He is strong enough to fix this world and I have burned it down just enough, that he can rebuild it completely from the ashes. 

I may die here but I will argue with him, until my former teammates come and save him. I will argue and keep him awake. 

He laughs and I swear it’s like color, he’s so pure and forgiving. 

I may die here but I can’t let him die before a change is made. 

Sakura heals them both, I hadn’t seen this coming at all but I suppose I should. Sakura loved me too, I tried to kill her to get her to leave him alone. I have thought that maybe that was a little bit extra, so I apologize.

I'm watching Naruto grin at her as she’s healing him and I think that I understand why he was chosen to be the sun. There is no one in this world that could possibly light up everything in the way that he does. 

I have been broken and I allowed myself to fall further than anyone will ever understand but Naruto Uzumaki has given me a reason to stand back up through the rubble that was left in the wake of the storm.

He will be great and even if I spend the rest of my life in prison or if I am executed when I am taken home, I will die knowing that my sun will make changes. I will know that what happened to me and my brother, what happened to Naruto, will never happen again. 


End file.
